Dear WWE: Please Don’t Do Business with Hulk Hogan

Imagine you work in WWE’s tech section. It’s your job to create video content for WWE’s various outlets, like WWE.com, Youtube etc., and imagine you’ve been doing this job for nearly twenty-five years. Imagine you started in mid-1993. It’s possible that the first thing you were assigned to do was erase Hulk Hogan from WWE’s distributed content, because Hulk Hogan no longer worked for the company and that’s how WWE operates. Any VHS tape with Hogan on it had to be taken off the shelf. Any highlight package could no longer feature Hulk Hogan. Wrestlemania III’s highlight was now the Intercontinental Championship match. You did the work. Hulk Hogan didn’t exist.

Imagine it’s 2002, and you’re still in the department. An order comes down from the boss, and he wants you to find all those old clips of Hogan and start putting them in everything, because he’s back. Hogan has to go in the intro video now. Hogan has to have a DVD. Everything is Hogan, Hogan, Hogan.

Then, just over a year later, you’ve got to undo all of that. Hogan isn’t happy being just another wrestler, and he bails. Any tshirts, website designs, promo packages, and entrance videos you may have been working on in the Hogan folder all go into the vault. Who’s Hulk Hogan? Never heard of him.

It’s 2005. You’re still making stuff for WWE. Your boss asks you to put together a Hulk Hogan video package for the Hall of Fame. You breath a sigh of relief. It’s Hogan content, which is…somewhere in that stack of hard drives over there, but it’s a Hall of Fame package. That means it’ll be the end of it, right? Nope. He’s back, and he’s headlining Summerslam. Also, can you build a Larry King Set quickly? They need it for reasons.

The day after Summerslam, they ask you to wipe Hogan from everything again.

Hogan comes back for next years’ Summerslam, but it’s against Randy Orton so nobody cares to do much work. Oh, except, can you make something for Brooke Hogan’s CD?

It’s 2014. Nobody’s even talked about Hulk Hogan in years, except at how much of a goddamn disgrace he’s become. You’re working hard on the graphics packages for Wrestlemania 30. You get a memo. You cry.

Not long after, you’ve got to delete it all again. The Network has started, and you just recently redid all the video packages. You begin to wonder if Hulk Hogan is the reason you drink and don’t believe in God.

It’s 2017, and you enjoy listening to Jerry Lawler’s podcast, but you don’t love this part about how they noticed you’ve been slowly integrating Hogan back into video packages. You didn’t even realize you’d been doing it. Oh god, you think you to yourself. It’s happening again.

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